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New med, New New Med, Old New Med

Alternative title for this post: I might just be a lady with a lisp from now on.


I've been lucky to see the the corona-break in a pretty positive light (aside from the light that illuminates how empty the bank account is without paychecks).  It has been a time of positive change for my depression and bipolar II symptoms.

Right about when the coronavirus hit and "shelter in place" went into effect I started taking the medication Abilify (generic name: aripiprazole).  My doctor suggested it as a supplemental medication to take with my antidepressant to try to boost its effectiveness.  I've tried this type of thing with Welbutrin before, and it didn't do anything (not good, not bad, just no change at all), so I wasn't expecting much.  I've been dealing with severe depression for over 15 years, and you kind of lose hope when it comes to "let's see what happens!"

Holy shit.  This medication has been GOLD for me. Within two days of starting Abilify I was willingly and happily doing housework, tackling projects, and thinking of new things to add to the list. I was no longer sleeping until noon or later, or laying around feeling lethargic or apathetic. I started losing weight. My kids saw the difference and were happy for me, and one even said that I've turned into the Mom she's needed. (I didn't take that badly - I have been very open with my kids about my Mom-abilities, where I feel I succeed, where I feel I fail and what I wish I could do or be).

There were downsides, though.  For one thing, I started waking up for the day between 3:30am-5:00am, and then falling asleep for the night by 7:00pm.  I also developed a bit of a lisp, or more accurately my tongue and my mouth sometimes just didn't know how to form the words I need.

After googling combinations of words like "abilify lisp tongue side effect" I learned that antipsychotic medications can cause a variety of drug-inducted hyperkinetic movement disorders.  Basically, it can cause weird movements or lack of typical movements in a variety of locations in the body, such as slurred speech, coordination problems, repetitive muscle movements, restlessness. 

It is possible for some of these side effects to go away, but it is also possible for some to not only remain while you are on the medication, but sometimes can become permanent even when no longer taking the medication.  That made me wonder if I should try another medication instead of Abilify, as I didn't want to risk having a speech impediment permanently.  I didn't want to risk losing the life-changing effects I've been feeling with the Abilify though, and eventually I decided that yes, I'd try a new drug, but if it wasn't even close to as amazing as Abilify had been for me, I'd go back to Abilify and just make my peace with having a lisp.

So I just spent the past 2-3 weeks taking Vraylar. No more lisping, yay! However, no more desire to do things again.  I kept pushing myself to complete a month on it. Yesterday I stopped thinking that way, because if it wasn't working at all yet, chances weren't good that another week or so was going to make much of a positive difference.  It felt good to give myself permission to "fail" at a goal I'd set for myself.  I sent my doctor a message asking to go back on the Abilify, and hopefully today that will all get arranged again.

While I'm still in the "Vraylar" headspace today, knowing that I should be back to Abilify soon and experiencing the wonderful benefits it gave me, has given me a bit more of a brighter outlook today than yesterday.

I'm on my way to being a lady with a lisp.  Oh well: she gets shit done.

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